Thursday, May 26, 2011

Proud mama

Today I went to Jaeden's school to watch his class present their digital poetry. Here is his part...

YouTube Video

Omg. Love it! Not only is he the most talented boy in 1st grade...he is the sweetest (did you catch his reference to Dora? Sniff, sniff)...AND the most handsome.





That kid is the greatest! So proud to be his mama!

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Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Breathe

First of all, I obviously stink at blogging! There are so many moving parts in my life right now that I forget to share what is going on. Here's the scoop.
The adoption has proven to be VERY difficult in many ways. There always seems to be another hoop and another cost. Last week, however, we were sure it was over.
Due to Haiti signing the Hague Convention (which is a wonderful thing for Haiti's children!), we were suddenly faced with a pretty big chance of being ineligible to adopt Dora. There is an unknown and unpredictable amount of time between when countries sign the convention and when it is ratified. Some can take years, some months, and some shut down adoption all together during the process. There is a small chance that adoptions in process would be grand fathered in, but there is no way to know that for sure.
Earlier in the week we had found out that we would need a new home study specifically for international adoption. After contacting the agency that did our first one, they said the cost of a new one would be between $5,000 and $6,000. Our request was reviewed by the corporate offices and denied because of the uniqueness of our situation and because they were apprehensive about putting their Haiti program in jeopardy.
I got it. It made sense for them to protect it, and to not risk it for one family. But that family was mine, and I was VERY upset. If I remember correctly, I had ice cream two times that day! They gave me the name of another agency in town that may help us. I called them immediately, and the woman I spoke with was very confused why they had been recommended and she wasn't sure how they could help me.
After drowning my sorrows in a venti iced skinny latte, I started very reluctantly down the path of accepting that this was over. It was never going to happen. All weekend I walked around in a fog and didn't know how to feel. I didn't tell many people what was going on, it was hard to even say out loud, but I was sure it was over.
Monday morning, I got a phone call from a different woman from the agency I was referred to...you know, the one who said they couldn't help? Apparently, they were talking over coffee that morning and my phone call came up. Turns out that the woman who answered the phone was not very knowledgeable about their services. She then went on to tell me that they could help. She wanted to WHOLE story. So, two hours later....just kidding, I managed to get it all out in about 10 minutes...she said they most definitely would help. Are you kidding me???!!!
So here it is, Wednesday, and I am filling out paperwork, again. I'm begging God to please let us be on the right track. Other times in this process, it has felt like we were, but then the train crashes, and I fall apart. If I live through this, it will be a miracle! ;)
Jaeden has been such a trooper through all of this, being our biggest cheerleader and the source of lots of laughter and hugs. I know that our family has something to learn through this, and I hope and pray that God will use it to not only strengthen us, but to others now and in the future.

Sunday, February 27, 2011

3rd trip to Haiti, Feb. 2011

So, this is a little late, but here are some highlights from my recent trip to Haiti.

First of all, the trip was last minute and didn't make any logical sense. I didn't really have the money to go, I'm in college full-time, and I was traveling alone. I just felt like I needed to go. I ca say now with confidence that it was God stirring in me to make the trip. Here's what happened.


Friday_Got to Port Au Prince and to Kids Hope where I had reservations to stay for the whole week. Called Dora's orphanage and spoke with Claude, the director. He was a bit surprised to hear from me. Said he had heard nothing from Ralph ( the man we hired to help us). He did say that I could stay there for the week and that he would come and pick me up in the morning. Yay!
Then I called, Ralph. He, too, was surprised to hear from me, especially when I told him I was in Haiti. He told me that I would probably be able to take Dora home with me and that he would call me in a couple of days to arrange to see our lawyer and sign some papers.
I went to bed early feeling sick to my stomach. I just knew something was wrong.

Saturday_Claude came to pick me up and take me to Jumecourt, which is where his church and orphanage is. As usual, the trip was crazy due to the way people drive there. My driver, who was a cop, had a gun under his leg. So strange. There had recently been some shootings targeting white people in vehicles, so later I found out that the two guys standing in the back of our truck had guns too and were on the lookout. Really glad I didn't know that before the trip!
I had made this trip many times before, and I knew when we were getting close. I was to anxious to see Dora. She didn't know I was coming and I was so relieved that she was still there. Because Ralph didn't do his job, I could have very well showed up and she could have been adopted by another family. Thank you God!
When we pulled up, all the kids came running and at the back of the pack was Dora. She saw me and ran to me and squeezed me hard. I don't think I let go of her for about an hour.
She showed me her bed and everything else at the compound. The kids sang and danced for me and wanted their pictures taken time and time again. So happy for digital cameras! They kept touching my skin and playing with my hair. If I stopped walking for one second, one of them came running with a chair so I could sit down. I was known as "Blanc"(white), at least for the first couple of days. ;)
The girls kept touching my eyelids and then rubbing my eyeshadow on their own eyes. I went and got all my makeup and put eyeshadow and lipgloss on every girl. This became a daily ritual. It was so fun to see the delight in them from something so simple.
Dora stayed with me in my room, which was at the back of the church building. It was nice, but I had some very active visitors that liked to run around just above my head all night long. No sleep for me, but I enjoyed watching Dora sleep peacefully in my arms.


Sunday_Rediscovered Haitian coffee. I love it! So strong and amazing taste. I drank a lot of it while I was there. They set out sweetened condensed milk for cream. Genius!
Church lasted 3 hours total. Lots of music and testimonies. I sat with the kids and had 4 of them on my lap (including Dora) the whole time and several others right up on me. It was about 90 degrees and I was sweating like crazy, but the kids didn't seem to mind, so I didn't either.
After a quick nap, I came back downstairs and spend a couple of hours playing the piano while the kids sang. They were so impressed that I knew "their" songs.



Such a precious time. There was another 2 hour worship service in the evening and after that, a couple of the girls wanted to do my hair. They pulled so hard my eyes started to water a few times!
Popcorn and mangoes for dinner. Perfect. Dora and I were able to video Skype with some friends and family. So cool!

Monday_5am I woke up to someone singing into a very loud microphone in the church. Dora woke up and said it was time to pray. Sure enough, all the kids and some people from the area were in the church singing and praying from 5-6am. After that, I helped Dora get ready for school and walked her there. So surreal.
She paraded me around and told anyone who would listen than I was her mama. After I dropped her off, I went to sleep. My friends came back during the night again. Ugh!
I was washing my hair when the kids got back from school. Dora brought some of her friends up to my room, and before I knew it, all of them were washing their hair. Before it was all said and done, all my shampoo, conditioner, and lotion were gone. ;) A fashion show of my dresses and jewelry followed. I am no longer alone or bored. Ever!
I talked to Frank for a long time. I was pretty convinced by this time that Ralph was lying to us. He had disconnected his phone since I had arrived and the fact that he never contacted Dora's orphanage was very bad news. I went to bed feeling overwhelmed. No sleep again, but held Dora all night.

Tuesday_Thought the 5am prayer service might be a Monday thing. Nope. Got Dora off to school and walked her over. She gave me a kiss goodbye and giggled as she skipped away. Bliss.
I spent most of the morning praying about what to do. I decided that I wanted to know for sure that no papers had been filed on our behalf. I would have to go to the US Embassy for that. Claude's brother, Carlos, said he would take me tomorrow.
I had more energy today, may be due to all the Haitian coffee I have been drinking.I read a book while the kids were at school and enjoyed the sun for a couple of hours. When they got out of school, I took individual pictures of them so I could learn their names. They were really fascinated with my sunburn.
I bought blowpops for all the kids that afternoon and it was a big hit. Love to spoil these kids and give them tons on affection and attention. They give it right back, too. So precious.
There was another church service tonight. I came a bit late after cleaning up and sat in the back. Dora saw me right away and came back to me. She looked so tired. I held her and 5 minutes later she was sawing logs. I put her to bed at 6:15 and she slept all night.
After church, I went back down and hung out with the kids for a few hours. I got my hair braided again and the kids took turns on my lap. I rocked the baby to sleep tonight. It is dangerous for me to spend a week with 30 orphans! I want to bring them all home.

Wednesday_ I managed to sleep a couple of hours last night after a double dose of melatonin and some head phones. The lights stayed on though. Somehow I thought that would keep my friends from entering my room. Pretty sure I had spam and green pepper spaghetti for breakfast. Dora and I are settling into a nice morning routine. Complete with full makeup application.After I walked Dora and her friends to school, Carlos came to take me to the Embassy. Found out that nothing had been filed. Its not even possible for a 3rd party to file the papers. Unbelievable. My heart fell to the floor and then the anger rose up. Luckily I found a Dark Chocolate Dove bar at the store on the way home. Seemed to get me through the ride back to the orphanage. ;) During the drive, Carlos and I started planning what to do next. That helped too. When I got back to my room, Dora was still in school, so I took the opportunity to just cry out to God while I had a moment to myself. I didn't want Dora to see me so upset. I pulled it together and spent the afternoon helping the girls with the wash.They were great teachers, and were quick to point out when I was doing it wrong. There were 6 tubs like the one in the picture with 2 girls at each one. It took them almost 3 hours to wash, rinse and hang all the clothes to dry.
I had my hair done once again, this time with Vaseline applied beforehand. Yikes! Enjoyed every minute of my last day at Dora's orphanage. Spent the evening with Dora and she stayed very close to me. I went to grab something from my room and when I came back down, the girls were helping Dora pack up all her things. It broke my heart having to explain to her that she wasn't coming home with me this time. I can't imaging the emotions she has felt throughout this journey. She seemed OK but held on tight to me the rest of the night and while she slept.
I realized that night that I was so grateful that I found out about Ralph while I was there with Dora. I had my daughter right next to me in flesh and blood, and I focused on the fact that she is ours and we are hers. She will be home soon and I can never give up.

Thursday_The sweetest moments with Dora have been early in the morning before we get out of bed. Once we leave the room, all the kids want my attention. Dora made it clear early on that I was hers, but as the week went on, she loosened up a bit, but was never more than an arms length from me.
She knew I was leaving today. She dragged her feet getting ready for school. I walked her over and stayed for a few minutes and took some pictures of her and her friends. I said goodbye and I loved her so much, but she wouldn't let go. It took everything in me to keep it together. Finally she nodded, kissed me on the cheek and let go. So hard for me to turn around and walk away.
Soon after, Carlos and the cop picked me up and took me to downtown Port Au Prince. I was able to see a lot of the damage from the earthquake. Overwhelming to see it in person. So sad. We had an appointment to meet the with the lawyers that Claude deals with directly. They are older Christian men that put me immediately at ease. I left armed with information, a checklist, and hope.
This IS going to happen.

Saturday, January 8, 2011

Brother and Sisters

Last night all four of us "kids" (Faith, Lora, Joel, and I) met for coffee. We laughed. Laughed a lot. I won't mention any names, but one of us spewed coffee at one point, and one of us was crying because of laughing so hard. The hour went by so fast and conversation was so easy.
Do we really realize what we have? Family is something that is so important. Yes, there have been some bumps along the way, and there are more to come, I'm sure. But at the end of the day, my family deeply loves unconditionally and would do anything for each other, or any one else.
Bragging? Maybe. Grateful? Definitely.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Waiting for a phone call.

I wonder how many hours I have waited for "the phone call". From a boy when I was growing up, from my sisters when they were close to labor, to a decision on a job, from our realtor when buying our house, and now waiting for the call thad Dora is ready to come home.
I don't know about you, but when I am "waiting" the rest of my world seems to slow or even shut down. I can't see past the call. Sometimes I lay awake thinking through every scenario, but honestly, I spend more time dealing with the disappointment than the joy. Why is it that its so hard for me to expect the best. To trust God....really trust him? I accept defeat before it even happens, then I am surprised when victory comes.
I really want to work on that. I have no reason to believe that at the end of the day, God hears me, knows me, loves me, and wants me to be happy. I just need to open up my hands and grasp tightly to this truth that I believe for everyone else. It is for me too. It is for you.
For this, I am truly grateful.

Happy Thanksgiving

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Family




They are all over my house, reminders of family. Pictures, artwork, gifts, things left behind....everywhere.

I am always very mellow after a big family gathering. That is where I'm at right now.

We celebrated Thanksgiving this weekend. I took on too many projects the week before,
stayed up late finishing everything, made an itenerary, planned every detail....and nothing went as planned. VERY typical. Yet, there feels like so much didn't happen. Things that I look forward to...crave. Precious conversations, kids making crafts, endless coffee sipping, perfect family portrait, etc. Those things never made it past the itenerary. But, I think more than anything, I am out of touch with reality when it comes to these things. There were up to 7 kids under 10 in the house, 2 dogs, tired parents, too much food, and many varying burdens that everyone carried in the door.
In a way I miss the days of late night euchre tournaments, free-flowing schedule, and the much anticipated long nap. But, I think its time to embrace this season in my life. Chaos, loud volumes, messes, kids with endless energy, short and sweet adult conversations, and a non-existent schedule.

We did end up getting a picture....
...and made a lot of memories. Embracing this season one family event at a time. ;)